Hacking the Wetware

I've struggled with all sorts of madness pretty much my entire life. Finally, I went to see a psychologist, and then a psychiatrist and was prescribed many things, and found some that really worked.

Then the fun began. I noticed I still had all the same bad behaviors and habits, but that somehow that since I could actually observe them now, I started changing for the better. Very slowly. Very, very slowly.

I continued to really fuck up a lot of shit. And some worse than before I was on good meds. But I also was actually learning from these fuckups instead of continuing on as if nothing were wrong.

After nearly two years, I decided that I was tired of being a slave to my own lack of discipline. A month ago I decided I was going to stop doing everything except work, sleep, and music for three months. No cycling, no exercise, no parties or excessive hanging out. And then I worked backwards from the end I wanted and thought about what I would need to change.

My sleep habits have always been a bit haphazard. I never really got into much of a pattern. And much of the instability in other activities seemed to stem from that. So I clamped down on my sleep, hard. I'd be in bed by 10, only reading a book at the most. I'd brush my teeth and wash my face just before that. And I'd get to work by 7:00 am as often as I could so I could leave before traffic got really bad, and so I could go home and practice. Or make it to rehearsals on time. Or just chill at home.

So far it seems to be working. I sleep through the night now. I get up in the morning early enough to get to work around 7:30 or so, and I leave around 4:30 or so. I'm not totally slagged on the weekends, or even most week days. I'm practicing again, several times a week.

If I'm still managing this by next February, I'll actually thing about mixing things up a bit, and maybe take on a yoga class, or possibly get back to the gym. But first, wiggle your big toe.